FOR THE CHILDREN Page 20

  "You're making it hard for me to go slow, Abby," he muttered. Pulling her on top of him, he fumbled with the clasp of her bra until it suddenly opened and fell away. Sweeping it out of his way, he reached out and cupped her breasts in his hands, allowing his thumbs to brush delicately across her nipples.

  Pleasure spasmed through her, making her arch into him. He responded by bending his head and taking one nipple into his mouth, tasting her until she thought she would go mad with needing him.

  "Please, Damien," she gasped. "You're driving me crazy."

  He raised his head. "Please what, Abby? Please stop?" He lowered his head again and flicked his tongue across her other nipple.

  She shuddered and reached for the button of his jeans, but his hand closed over hers and stopped her. "If you touch me, this will be over much too quickly. And today I want it to last forever." He smoothed his lips over her neck, teasing her earlobe with his teeth as he deftly unfastened her shorts. In a few seconds he'd eased them down her legs. She heard him draw in his breath as he stared at her.

  "You're so lovely," he murmured, trailing his fingers down from her breasts to her belly. Heat curled inside her at his touch, and she reached for him again. He managed to stay out of her reach as he bent to kiss her. By the time he raised his head, nothing existed but his touch and his kiss. All she could do was hold on to him as he moved his mouth over her, kissing and caressing every inch of her. She began trembling as sensation coiled tighter and tighter inside of her. Her whole world focused only on Damien and the magic he was working with his hands and his mouth.

  Suddenly he sat up and unfastened his jeans. His breathing was harsh and jagged, and when she opened her eyes to watch him, she saw that his hands were shaking so badly that he could barely get the button through the hole. Before he dropped the jeans on the floor, though, he pulled something out of his pocket.

  Catching her eye, he held up the square foil packet and smiled slightly. "I'm not putting you at risk a second time. When we stopped for groceries, I made a quick detour to the pharmacy department."

  A few moments later he turned to her and kissed her again, his mouth hungry and urgent on hers. He touched her again, making her cry out his name. When he moved over her, she cupped his buttocks in her hands and lifted up to meet him. The world exploded in a blaze of light as he thrust into her.

  All she could do was cling to him as she spun out of control, spasm after spasm racking her body. When he shuddered and groaned her name, she held on to him tightly, powerless to do anything but let the powerful currents tumble her head over heels into oblivion.

  When she was able to sort out sensations again, she realized that his hand cupped her breast and hers curled around his buttock. Flexing her fingers, she felt his muscles relax under her hand. Utterly content, she wrapped her other arm around his back and held him close to her. As far as she was concerned, they could stay like this forever.

  "Next time," his low voice murmured into her ear, "we really do have to take it slow."

  Damien watched as she struggled to open her eyes. The smile she gave him was sleepy and satisfied. "I'm not sure I know the meaning of that word when it comes to you," she said, her voice low and throaty. "I'm not sure I want to know."

  Her words gave him a fierce pleasure, even though he knew the relationship wouldn't endure beyond the end of this case. Abby might think she needed him now, but when she was back in the rhythm of her daily life, she would realize how futile it was to think of a future together. He couldn't give her the things he was sure she needed and wanted, and he refused to allow her to tie herself to him out of gratitude.

  But he didn't have to think about that now. Not with Abby lying so close to him, doing those interesting things with her hands. Not with the sun shining on the bed, gilding her skin with a gleaming color that seemed to match the liquid gold of her hair. No, he wouldn't think about the future today. Today belonged to him and Abby.

  Raising himself on his elbows, he looked down into her face. Something moved in his chest at the trust he saw there, and the happiness. There was another emotion swirling in her eyes, one that stopped his heart, but he knew he had to be mistaken. Bending to kiss her, he said, "I've always said, if at first you don't succeed, try and try again."

  He watched her eyes as she processed his words, and when her face turned a delicate pink, he bent to kiss her again. "What do you think?" he murmured into her mouth.

  "I think I like your motto. Everyone should have something to aim for."

  Rolling onto his back, he settled her on top of him. "I'm not going to make any promises, but let's see if we can go slow this time."

  She smiled down at him as she trailed her finger down his chest. "I'm game if you are."

  He moved against her, letting her feel how game he was. "What do you think?"

  "I think I'm crazy about you, Damien Kane."

  * * *

  I think I'm crazy about you, Damien Kane.

  Her words echoed in his mind two hours later as he watched her sleep. It was a casual phrase, he told himself, one that was essentially meaningless. People said it all the time, meaning nothing more than that they liked your sense of humor, or your sense of style or the way you dressed.

  Or the way you made love to them.

  It didn't mean anything more than that. It couldn't. He didn't want Abby to feel anything more for him than a mild affection, because he didn't feel anything more than that for her.

  Liar.

  All right, so maybe he did. But that didn't mean it was right, or that he would allow it to continue. Because he couldn't give Abby what she wanted most. And after seeing her with her nieces for the past several days, he had no doubt what that was. Abby hungered for a family and children of her own. It was on her face, in her eyes every time she looked at Maggie or Casey.

  And Abby would be the greatest mother in the world. He knew it as certainly as he knew the sun would rise the next morning. So because he cared about her, he wouldn't hold her. Because he could never give her what she needed.

  How could he ever have another child after what he'd done to Tyler and his unborn child? No, Abby didn't belong with him, not in the long run. Almost unconsciously he pulled her closer. But he would take everything she was willing to give until it had to end. And he would give her whatever was left inside him. God knew it was little enough, but Abby didn't seem to notice. And if that made him a selfish bastard, so be it. That was old news anyway.

  He must have woken her when he'd pulled her against him, because she opened her eyes and smiled up at him. "How did we do that time?" she whispered.

  His heart trembled as he gazed down at her. Her cheeks were flushed and her hair was tousled. Her sleepy eyes were satiated and satisfied, and she looked at him as if he were the center of the universe. "Better," he murmured. "But you know what they say."

  Her lips curved into a smile. "What's that?"

  "Practice makes perfect."

  Stretching up, she kissed him on the mouth. "Then what are we waiting for?"

  Reluctantly he eased himself away from her and sat up. "We're waiting for later. It's almost time to go and get the twins."

  Panic flooded her eyes as she shot up beside him, grabbing frantically for her clothes. "Are we late? Did something happen while I was sleeping?"

  He eased the clothes out of her clenched fist and kissed her hand. "Take it easy, Abby. Nothing happened and we're not late. But if we don't get up now, we're going to be." He pressed her hand against the throbbing evidence of his need for her. "There's something about the combination of you and a bed that does something to me."

  She caressed him as she gazed down at him. When she met his eyes again, she was smiling. "Hold that thought, will you?"

  "I'd rather have you hold it," he said as he pulled on his jeans. Easing them up over his hips, he tugged the zipper up gingerly. He stood, careful not to move, as he watched her dress quickly and carelessly.

  "You'd better comb your hair before
we go over to Laura's," he teased. "Or she's going to have a pretty good idea of how we spent the afternoon."

  He watched her blush at his words as she headed for the bathroom, out it didn't stop her from turning around and saying, "Then you'd better wipe that self-satisfied grin off your face. That'd be even more of a dead giveaway."

  She emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later, her hair neatly combed and her face washed. Instead of the smile he expected, though, she looked solemn and almost scared.

  "There's something I need to talk to you about," she said, licking her lips.

  His heart contracted. Here it was, the 'it was wonderful but I'd rather be just friends' speech. Not that he hadn't been expecting it. He just wasn't expecting it so soon.

  "Let's go sit down," he said, careful not to touch her.

  She hesitated in front of the couch, looking like she'd rather turn around and ma out the door and never stop. "Are you sure we don't have to go over to get Maggie and Casey now? We could talk later."

  "I'm sure." He glanced at his watch to reassure her. "They probably aren't finished with the movie. The twins won't want to come home yet."

  "No. No, they wouldn't." She stared at him, and he could read the indecision in her eyes.

  "Come here and tell me, Abby," he said, holding out his hand to her. "The anticipation is almost always worse than the actual event."

  "Not this time," she muttered, but she sat down next to him on the couch. He tried to pull her close, but she deliberately moved away from him until he could no longer touch her. The bitter taste of fear rose up in his throat as he tried to tell himself it was for the best. It would save him the job of breaking it off later.

  "I haven't been completely truthful with you about why I'm so protective of Maggie and Casey."

  "What you said was explanation enough, Abby. You don't have to go into the details of your childhood."

  She shook her head. "This isn't about my childhood, Damien. I put that behind me a long time ago. It may explain who I am, but I haven't let it rule me for a long time." She looked down, and he saw her swallow. "This is about me."

  "What is it?" He longed to hold her, but wouldn't allow himself to move.

  "I was engaged five years ago." Sadness flickered in her eyes.

  Ignoring the jealously that blazed up inside him, he said, "What happened?"

  She faced him, although he could see that she wanted to look away. "I broke it off. He…" She paused, and pain filled her face. "He resented the time I spent with Janna and the twins. They were newborns, and Janna's husband had walked out on her. She was alone, and she desperately needed my help. So I told Bruce that I couldn't abandon them, and he told me to make a choice. He didn't want kids of his own, and he wasn't about to let his wife spend all her time with someone else's kids. It was him or the brats, as he called them."

  Now she looked away. "I never saw him again. And I never regretted my decision for a minute. I couldn't have lived with myself if I had turned my back on Janna or Maggie and Casey. That's really why I'm so protective of them. I'm all they have. And they're all I have."

  "You didn't have to tell me this, Abby."

  "I know. But you were honest with me. Brutally honest. The least I can do is tell you the complete truth."

  "This Bruce sounds like he was a loser."

  She gave him a tremulous smile. "He was. I was young, though, and I trusted him. I don't regret any of it. But it made me realize how few men there are who would be willing to take on that kind of responsibility. The twins will always be a part of my life."

  And he was a man who didn't want anything to do with children again. His mouth twisted. "I get the message. But don't worry, I already knew there was no long term when it came to you and I. I can't give you what you want, and no one can give me what I need."

  She stared at him, appalled. "That's not what I meant at all."

  "Then what did you mean?" he said, refusing to allow even a glimmer of hope.

  "I simply wanted you to know all the reasons I've acted the way I did. I know you think I've been irrational sometimes when it comes to the twins. If I hadn't insisted on leaving Las Vegas, we wouldn't be here now."

  "I don't regret any of this, Abby." And he realized it was the truth.

  She looked away. "Whether you regret it or not, you deserve my complete honesty. I wanted you to know everything."

  "I guess it's a good thing. I won't go getting any crazy ideas about happily ever after," he said bitterly.

  She faced him again, her eyes drenched with pain. "Can't you accept that you deserve some happiness? You're so good with them, Damien," she whispered. "They trust you completely. You have so much to give to a child."

  "Not my own child, Abby. Never again."

  Her eyes swimming, she reached for his hand. "Don't shut yourself off from life. Don't forbid yourself any pleasure. You don't deserve that kind of punishment."

  "Punishment has nothing to do with it. I'm protecting myself from pain," he said, standing up and moving away from her. He couldn't accept the easy way out. He couldn't allow himself to accept the gift she seemed to be giving him.

  "You didn't need to tell me this, Abby. You didn't need to apologize for taking care of Maggie and Casey," he said. "The way you were willing to step between those girls and danger is the first thing I noticed about you." He felt his mouth twist into a bitter grimace. "There aren't too many people I respect or admire, but I respected the hell out of you when you told me to get lost. Not too many people are willing to take that kind of responsibility."

  He watched her for a moment and felt part of him shrivel up and die. "I'm glad you told me, though. I want to know everything about you. And no matter what I think about children, I want you to know that I don't regret a minute of the time rye spent with you and the girls." Reaching across the gap that loomed between them, he pulled her into his arms and held her close. "If I hadn't spent these days with Maggie and Casey, I wouldn't have spent them with you, either. And I could never regret that."

  She gripped him tightly, as if she never wanted to let him go. "I don't regret it either, Damien. No matter what happens. Never forget that."

  "Nothing's going to happen," he said, deliberately misunderstanding her. He couldn't deal with the issue of what might happen between the two of them. Not just yet. "Maggie and Casey are going to tell me what they saw, we'll arrest the person who killed Joey and everything'll be fine."

  Abby leaned against him and he was content to hold her close. After a long time he murmured, "You don't always have to be strong, Abby. Sometimes it's good to let someone else be the strong one."

  At that she raised her head and looked at him. "I know," she whispered. "You've shown me that. But who's strong for you, Damien?"

  He wanted to tell her that she could be. He longed to bury himself inside her so deeply that he could never find his way out, to lose himself to Abby. But instead, he stood up and pulled her to her feet to stand beside him. "It's about time we went and got the girls. I know you must be getting nervous about them."

  She looked at him in surprise, then gave him a sad smile. "I'd almost forgotten they weren't here until you reminded me. I guess that means I really do trust you with their safety."

  "Come on, let's go over to Laura's," he urged. There wouldn't be any more talk about what was happening between him and Abby once the girls were back in the house, and that was good. He couldn't bear thinking about it.

  * * *

  Chapter 14

  «^»

  An hour and a half later, Abby watched Maggie and Casey chattering to Damien about their afternoon with the Weston children. They had told the stories to both of the adults at least three times each, but Damien was listening intently, as if he'd never heard them before. Abby's heart expanded as she watched him with the girls.

  She marveled at how well he was able to hide his pain. Now that she knew what had happened to his son, she was amazed that he could act so natural when he was with the
twins. And as she watched Maggie and Casey stare up at him with adoring eyes, she felt her heart begin to break.

  The girls would tell him what they'd seen. She knew it with certainty. They trusted Damien completely, and when he asked them what had happened, they would tell him.

  She wanted him to solve his case. Truly she did. But a thick lump swelled in her throat when she thought about what would happen once the twins told Damien the truth.

  Damien had been very careful not to say anything about the future, about what might happen after his case was solved and they no longer had any need for protection. Was he planning on disappearing out of her life forever? Would he give their fragile relationship a chance to blossom into something more permanent?

  He would if she had anything to do with it, Abby vowed. Damien was a part of her now and always would be. She had discovered something when she woke up this afternoon and found him holding her so tenderly. She loved him and she always would. Damien had touched something inside of her that she thought had died when she'd said goodbye to Bruce, and now she knew she could never live without him.

  Maggie and Casey leaned against Damien, and Abby knew that with the least encouragement they'd climb into his lap. She saw the girls exchange a look, then Maggie leaned back so she could look at Damien.

  "Jenny told us that you have a secret fort behind your house," she said.

  Abby saw Damien freeze. Then he raised his hand and brushed Maggie's hair away from her face. Abby saw his fingers tremble.

  "I do," he said softly. "Would you like to see it?"

  "Yes, yes," Maggie cried.

  "Me, too," added Casey.

  "How about we take a look at it tomorrow?"

  Maggie's lower lip protruded. "We want to look at it now." Abby hurried over to the girls. "Tomorrow, girls," she said firmly. "It's late and time for you to go to bed."