FOR THE CHILDREN Page 18

  "I take it you want to ride the merry-go-round, Maggie."

  "It's magic," she told him, her voice serious. "The horses get to be real when you ride them."

  Maggie looked up at him, her eyes bright with excitement, and he felt his throat swell. The merry-go-round had been his son's favorite ride, too. "I didn't know that," he managed to say.

  She nodded vigorously. "I'm going to pretend my horse is real already." She ran over to her sister. "You can, too, Casey. We'll pretend on the horses."

  As the twins hopped and jumped toward the gate, Damien watched Abby take both their hands and crouch down in front of them. "You both need to hold my hands all the time," she said in a firm voice. "No running off. You remember what I've told you about holding my hand when we're in a busy place, don't you?"

  "Yes, Aunt Abby," came the chorus. "We will."

  "If you don't hold my hand, we'll have to leave." Abby searched their eyes, then stood up and smiled. "Now, let's go and have some fun."

  Several hours later Damien was surprised to find himself doing just that. As he watched the twins eat a huge mass of purple cotton candy, a large soda and a box of caramel corn, he was glad he'd brought them here. He had forgotten the magic of seeing wonder and awe in the eyes of children, and as he watched their joy he felt something stirring to life in his soul.

  He wasn't prepared, however, when he stood with Maggie on the merry-go-round for the second time. She looked lit from within, her face glowing with joy. Then the memories became a tight fist, squeezing his heart until he could barely stand the pain.

  But he wasn't going to be allowed to escape. He spotted Laura and her children, and Cassie Johnson, coming toward them.

  "Damien," she said, a welcoming smile on her face. "I'm so glad you decided to come to the rodeo."

  "I thought the twins would enjoy it," he muttered.

  Laura's eyes softened. "That was kind of you," she said softly.

  When she turned and smiled at Abby, he was forced to introduce her. "This is Abby," he said to Laura. "And these are her nieces, Casey and Maggie. This is my neighbor, Laura Weston," he said to Abby.

  Laura reached out and shook Abby's hand, then crouched down in front of Maggie and Casey. "How do you do?" she said. "Would you like to meet my children?"

  The girls nodded shyly and looked over at the three children standing next to Laura. Damien saw the longing in their eyes.

  "This is Todd, and this is Jenny." She indicated a boy of about two and a girl who was a little older than the twins. "And this is Cassie Johnson." Her hand rested on the shoulder of the older girl who looked about eight. "We were heading over to the Ferris wheel. Would you like to join us?"

  Casey immediately turned pleading eyes on Abby. "Could we, Aunt Abby? I want to go with Cassie. Her name is almost the same as mine."

  Abby looked over at Damien, horribly unsure about what to do. He gave her a reassuring nod, and his eyes held hers steadily. He was trying to tell her that everything would be fine, she knew. Abby hesitated for a moment, then she smiled at Casey. "Sure, honey. We can go on the Ferris wheel again."

  Cassie turned and waved to a blond woman who was standing with a dark-haired man. Abby recognized Cassie's mother, Becca, and waved at her. "Is that your dad with your mom?" Abby asked Cassie.

  Cassie grinned. "Uh-uh. That's Mr. Farrell. He brought us to the rodeo today. He owns a ranch outside of Cameron and my mom takes care of his animals. She's a veterinarian. Mr. Farrell used to be a bull rider. He showed me all about the rodeo." Her blue eyes sparkled. "I'm going to be in the rodeo when I grow up."

  Abby smiled at the child, charmed by her. "Good for you, Cassie."

  "We saw Shea win the barrel race," Casey piped up.

  "Wasn't she awesome?" Cassie looked down at Casey and grinned.

  Casey smiled back at the older girl, obviously charmed by more than the similarity in their names. She took Cassie's hand, completely unselfconsciously. "She ran so fast I could hardly see her."

  "Mr. Farrell is going to teach me to be a barrel racer," Cassie said proudly.

  Casey started peppering her with questions about the rodeo, and Abby watched as Cassie seemed to stand taller as she answered. When she glanced over her shoulder, she saw that Becca Johnson, the child's mother, was watching with a smile on her face.

  A number of people smiled at Damien and several of them greeted him by name as they headed toward the Ferris wheel. But there was no sign of the man who'd watched them at the theater. "How long do you think we should stay here?" she asked Damien in a low voice.

  "There are fireworks after dark," he said. "Do you want to stay that long?"

  "The girls would love fireworks. But is it safe to stay that late?"

  "I think so. I doubt if anyone could find us in this crowd."

  "Are you sure about that?" Abby heard the urgency in her voice.

  "There are no guarantees in life," he said, and she thought she heard bitterness in his voice. "But I think this is a pretty safe bet."

  "Then we'll stay." Abby looked at the twins, who were chattering to Jenny, Todd and Cassie. "I want them to have some good memories of this trip."

  Damien laid a hand on her arm. "You've done a wonderful job, Abby. I don't think they realize anything is wrong."

  His heat flowed into her, and she could feel the strength in his hand. She tried to ignore the emotions that churned inside her at his touch. "I hope so," she said in a soft voice.

  They went on the Ferris wheel twice more, then watched the fireworks. Cassie had long since been reunited with her mother, and by the time the fireworks were over, the twins were almost asleep.

  "I'm going to carry them to the car," Abby whispered. "Let me take one of them," Damien said. She shook her head, knowing how painful that would be for him. "That's all right. I'm used to it."

  "Think, Abby. Wouldn't it be more natural for each of us to take one of the girls? We want to blend in here, remember? Not stand out."

  "All right." She watched him pick Maggie up, and her heart bled a little. Damien cradled her like she was precious spun glass, but his eyes filled with pain.

  Holding Casey close, she walked as quickly as she could until they reached the car. Once the girls were buckled into their car seats, she took Damien's hand.

  "I know that wasn't easy for you. Thank you."

  He held on to her hand for a moment, then touched her face. "It's getting easier, Abby." His voice was full of wonder. "Thank you for that."

  They rode home in silence, and Abby realized she was very tired. By the time they reached Damien's house, she was almost asleep. "We're all going to sleep like the dead tonight," she murmured sleepily.

  Damien gave her a glance full of suppressed need. "I hope so," he muttered.

  * * *

  "Who'd like to go for a swim?" Damien called as he watched the girls playing the next morning. In spite of his weariness, he'd spent another long night filled with restless longing and unfulfilled desire. He couldn't bear to be cooped up in the house.

  And he needed to make the girls trust him enough to confide in him.

  Maggie and Casey scrambled to their feet in the living room. "Can we, Damien? Really?" Casey asked breathlessly.

  "Sure. I think it's time for another swimming lesson, don't you?" He struggled to keep his voice casual and light.

  Both girls' eyes lit up, and they turned and ran into Abby's room. "Can we, Aunt Abby? Can we all go swimming with Damien?"

  Abby emerged from her room and looked doubtfully at him. "Are you sure?"

  She wasn't asking if they would be safe. Damien knew that for a fact. She was concerned about him. Deliberately he misunderstood her. "I think it'll be fine. It's the middle of the summer, and the pool will be crowded. No one's going to notice a few more people."

  A flash in her eyes told him that she realized what he was doing, but he knew she wouldn't challenge him in front of the twins. "That sounds like fun," she said, her voice strained. "All right, gir
ls, why don't you get your bathing suits on?"

  In a few minutes they were all ready to go. As he drove the short distance to the pool, he listened to the girls chatter in the back seat. They were much more relaxed and natural around him now, and he knew that soon he would be able to ask his questions, and they would trust him enough to answer.

  He should have been thrilled at the prospect, but the knowledge wrapped itself around his heart and squeezed it painfully tight. Once the case was over, he wouldn't see Abby again. Oh, he might possibly see her in court if her nieces had to testify against the person who killed Joey, but seeing her on the other side of a crowded, formal courtroom didn't count.

  Her sweetness and caring had sneaked up on him, filling the dark, bleak corners of his life like a bright light that banished all the ugliness. In spite of his determination never to care about anyone again, he'd found himself caring about her. He couldn't help himself. Even a saint couldn't have stopped himself from falling for Abby Markham, and he was far from a saint.

  He was in lust with her, he told himself. He refused to think of it as anything but that. And lust would pass if he ignored it long enough, just like every other need.

  When they arrived at the pool and climbed out of the car, he slammed the door a little harder than necessary. The girls were out of their car seats and waiting impatiently for Abby to open the car doors as he retrieved towels and bags from the trunk.

  "I can't wait," Casey shouted as she scampered next to them toward the entrance to the pool.

  "I'll meet you at the pool," he said gruffly as they reached the doors to the women's dressing room. When he strode onto the concrete deck a few minutes later, he looked around in satisfaction. He'd been right. The pool was filled with families, and no one gave him or the girls a second look.

  With one exception.

  Laura Weston saw him and waved her hand. Damien waved back, then turned and waited for Abby and the girls to emerge from the locker room.

  Abby realized something had changed the moment she walked out of the locker room. Damien stood waiting for them, his face set and hard. Instinctively she stopped walking and grasped the twins' hands a little harder, poised to flee.

  "Damien?" she said softly.

  She watched him struggle to relax. "Ready for some swimming lessons?" he asked the girls, trying to smile.

  "Yeah!" they shouted together.

  "Then go ahead and get into the pool," he instructed, "but stay in the shallow part." He pointed to where the zero-depth pool began, right behind him. "No deeper than your knees."

  As the girls splashed into the water, Abby moved closer to Damien. "What's wrong?"

  "Nothing's wrong. But Laura is here with her kids. As much as I trust Laura, I don't want to spend too much time with her. The more she gets to know you, the more she'll suspect your story."

  "Why do you say that?"

  "Because you don't act like an abused wife, Abby," he said quietly. "You're too strong."

  He turned to look at her, and his gaze lingered on the curves revealed by her bathing suit. His eyes darkened and filled with an emotion that had nothing to do with his job as a protector. "Of course, maybe she'll decide that you're here for another reason."

  "And what would that reason be?" she asked, feeling desire stir at the expression on Damien's face.

  "What do you think?" he asked softly.

  The heat in Damien's eyes as he looked at her made a hot flush start at her feet and sweep up her body. "You told her we were with you because of a case, and that's what she'll think."

  "Not a chance. Once she sees you dressed like that, she's going to change her mind."

  "There's nothing wrong with the way I'm dressed," she protested. "This is a very modest bathing suit."

  "I know." His eyes gleamed. "It leaves a lot to the imagination."

  Trying to ignore the expression in his eyes and her immediate response to it, she turned away and pretended to look at the people lounging around the pool. "Why would your neighbor think we're involved because I'm dressed in a conservative bathing suit?"

  "If you'd worn a skimpy bikini she'd know you're not my type and wouldn't have any trouble swallowing our story. But the way you're dressed…" He let his gaze drift down her body and back up again, making her tingle everywhere his gaze rested. "Only a woman who's trying to discourage a man would wear a bathing suit like that. And Laura will figure that out in no time."

  "What's that supposed to mean?"

  "Ever hear the expression 'Where there's smoke there's fire'?"

  "For your information, Damien Kane, this is the only bathing suit I own, so it's not a matter of encouraging or discouraging you." She welcomed her sudden anger and the way it swept aside all the other uncomfortable emotions Damien made her feel. "And besides, I got the distinct impression a few nights ago that I could encourage you all I wanted and it wouldn't make a damn bit of difference. So don't try to play mind games with me."

  She stalked off and threw their towels on a pair of vacant lounge chairs, then paused only long enough to see that although Damien had waded into the water and stood next to Maggie and Casey, he was still watching her. Hurrying to the edge of the pool, she dived in and began to swim laps. By the time she'd hauled herself out onto the side, a long time later, Casey and Maggie were churning through the water, arms and legs flailing and uncoordinated. They weren't swimming yet, but they were definitely making progress.

  Her anger was long gone, burned away in her furious session in the pool. Instead, she was filled with sadness as she watched Damien with the girls. He had so much to give, if he would only allow himself to give it. And there was so much she wanted to give him, if only he would let her beyond the barriers he'd erected

  He was a hard man, but underneath that hardness he cared passionately about a lot of things—their safety, his job, justice. What would it feel like, she thought with a pang of sorrow, to have him care like that about her?

  As she watched him, wondering what she was going to do about her growing feelings for him, she saw Jenny, Todd and Cassie jump into the pool next to him.

  The five children played together, splashing each other and Damien. He played with all of them, but Abby realized he was keeping a close eye on Casey and Maggie.

  Laura Weston came over and sat down next to her. "Damien is wonderful with them, isn't he?" she said.

  Abby murmured a response, watching him splash the five smiling faces surrounding him. Yes, he was wonderful with them. But she suspected that his kindness was extracting a high price. His eyes, she thought, would be full of pain.

  "My kids are thrilled with the prospect of having some new playmates for a while," Laura said with a smile.

  "Maggie and Casey were pretty excited themselves when they saw your kids in the yard the other day. And they had a great time at the rodeo," she answered helplessly. Meeting the Westons yesterday was something she hadn't counted on or wanted, and she wasn't sure what to do.

  "We'll have to get them together to play," Laura continued. "Cassie stays with us every day while her mother is working. They all get along pretty well as a rule, but a distraction in the form of new kids to play with is always welcome."

  "The twins would like that," Abby said, feeling as if the situation was completely out of her control.

  "Believe me, you'd be doing me a favor," Laura said fervently.

  After chatting about the rodeo for a few moments, Laura turned away and called to her three kids. "It looks like we interrupted a swimming lesson," she said. "Maybe we'll see you later."

  "Great." Abby watched with relief as the three children swam over to the side of the pool. But when Laura told them it was time to go, she was greeted with loud protests.

  Maggie and Casey added their voices to the din, until Damien finally interrupted. "Don't you want to finish your swimming lesson?" he asked the twins.

  Maggie turned pleading eyes on him. "Could we do it tomorrow, Damien? We want to play with Jenny and Todd and Ca
ssie."

  "Yes," Casey shouted. "We want to play now."

  Abby was watching Damien and she saw the way his eyes softened as he looked at Maggie and Casey. "All right," he murmured after a moment. "You go ahead and play. We can swim again later."

  As the five children splashed away, shouting triumphantly, Laura Weston turned to them with an apologetic look. "Sorry we disrupted your lesson."

  Damien shrugged. "It's probably better for them to play with other kids for a while, anyway. Don't worry about it." He gave Laura one of his rare smiles. "Besides, it'll give me a rest. I'm getting too old for swimming lessons."

  "I doubt that, Damien," she answered with a smile of her own. "I remember when you used to be out here for hours with…"

  She stopped abruptly and reddened. "I'm sorry," she whispered, an appalled look on her face. "I didn't mean to dredge that up."

  "It's all right." Damien's voice was tight. "Forget it."

  As Laura turned away with another apology, Damien took Abby's hand and led her toward the lounge chairs that held their towels. His fingers were cold, and he gripped her hand as if it were a lifeline. After they sat down, Abby turned to Damien.

  "What was that all about?"

  He didn't answer for a long time. Finally he said, "Not now, Abby. I don't want to discuss it here."

  He turned to look at the children playing in the pool, but he didn't let go of her hand. Sliding her fingers between them so their hands were entwined, she held on to him and hoped he could feel the comfort she wanted to give him. Because if anyone needed comforting, it was Damien Kane.

  The stark angles and planes of his face were full of bleak despair, the kind of blackness that swallowed your soul and left you nothing but an empty shell. Abby knew, because once she had felt the same kind of despair. Once she, too, had looked out at the world with the same darkness in her gaze, felt the same hopelessness that filled Damien's eyes.

  Holding tightly to Damien's hand, she looked toward the children playing in the pool. The flash of uneasiness that stabbed at her at the sight of Maggie and Casey playing in the water disappeared when she felt Damien squeeze her hand.